My first impression after drawing these cards is of things hidden and obscured, of fires burning beneath the surface. If we hoped the solution to your dilemma would be found in the outside world, in a move and a new scene, I think we're going to be disappointed! At a glance, I think getting to the bottom of this situation will require a little work right where you are. I don't know if you find that heartening, but I do think it is an emboldening idea that you can make the best of things, no matter where you are!
1. What do you need to know at this time about staying put where you are? Ace of Wands
I must say, this was a card I did not expect to see here! The smouldering fire of the Ace of Wands is quite a contrast to the bland and suffocating feeling of being stuck in a place where nothing good has happened. It's not entirely unrelated, though. Given that this card is an Ace, I think there is a sense of waiting for things to get started - perhaps you felt that when you moved to this town, your life would really get started, and now that you're here you don't feel all that different. Aces are just the first step, after all, and perhaps some of your disappointment stems from the fact that you hoped you'd feel further down the road by now? Perhaps there's a feeling, too, of being exhausted by starting over in a new place. Making a good life for yourself does take work, and at times, especially when you feel like decisions don't pay off, that can be very tiresome.
As an antidote to the feelings of frustration and weariness that are reflected in this card, I think the Ace of Wands wants you to know that you're in charge of this situation. Key to the suit of Wands is the idea of personal agency, of action and drive and passion, and the message here is that in staying put, you will have to summon these fiery Wands qualities. It is a new beginning for you, and there are bound to be some teething issues, but this feeling of nothing good happening is not the end of the road, oh no! This is just the beginning of your journey in this place, and it is up to you where you take it from here. It's understandable that you're not feeling too fiery and bold since things aren't going well, but you're at a crossroads right now. You have a choice before you - do you throw in the towel, or do you power yourself up and make something of this situation? There is potential here. In order to make the best of this situation, to really start something here and get it flourishing, you will need to summon your fire. Can you do that?
2. What do you need to know at this time about moving away? Eight of Swords
Here's where the idea of things hidden and obscured comes in. The Eight of Swords is all about being unable to see things clearly, a mistaken belief that there's no way forward and no way out. There's also the suggestion of a fixation on circumstances, a preoccupation with how you are being limited by external forces. In this position, I think this card is - if you'll forgive the pun - a bit of a double edged sword. On the one hand, the message is, you're not really stuck here. You can move if you want to. That rose may be caged by swords, but with a little persistence and poise, she can keep growing up and blossom above the blades that seem to be holding her in.
On the other hand, I think this card suggests that the idea of escape is unhelpfully preoccupying you. It's easy to point the finger at the town you're living in and say that if only you could go somewhere else, things would be different. This way of thinking about the place you live as a trap is making it hard for you to see what's really going on. Your ambivalence about moving suggests that you're aware of this to some degree, but I think it's very important that you aren't seduced by the idea that you just need to find the right place to live before you can flourish. Look at this rose - she might be penned in by swords, but she's still blooming. Her external circumstances can't diminish her inner capacity for growth. In a nutshell, the Eight of Swords says that the place where you find yourself is not the most important factor in your happiness. You can move if you want to, but the bigger challenge is to find the courage to blossom wherever you are.
3. What is your biggest need - be it emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual - that is not being met at this time? Two of Cups
Ahh. Herein lies the key - or at least, part of the key - to your troubles. The Two of Cups speaks of the needs of the heart, for connection, love, companionship. To put it simply, I suspect that loneliness and isolation are big factors in your unhappiness where you are. Perhaps a break up was a factor in your move and the wounds are still a little raw, or maybe you've just had a hard time making friends where you are. Maybe being away from family is getting you down. Whether we're talking a lack of romantic, platonic, or familial love (or a combination), it seems that your biggest need right now is to find meaningful connection with other people.
I think the message of this card relates back to the Eight of Swords. You might be finding it easier to tell yourself "This town sucks, I want to move!" than to admit that you're feeling lonely and heartsore. Those feelings are hard to accept, I know, and for many of us it is easier to push them away than to meet them face to face. It's important, though, if you are to get to the bottom of what you want, that you're honest with yourself. Whether you stay or go, reaching out and asking for love and companionship must be part of your journey, because one simply can't live without it!
4. What is your biggest desire or hope for yourself that isn't being realised at this time? Seven of Swords
Once again, something is being hidden! Perhaps you don't even know what it is! The Seven of Swords is all about the stuff that goes on under cover of darkness, the secrets we keep and the things we get away with. Sometimes this card is about doing something shady or secret, but sometimes it's related to the workings of the subconscious. You'll notice on this card that the figure has her back to us, the face is obscured, which I think suggests that your hopes and desires are bubbling away beneath the surface, obscure even to you! You've said in your letter that you can't form a vision of what to do, and I think this card reflects that. It's hard to see the road ahead when we are turned in the other direction!
I suspect, though, that at heart, you are holding onto a secret desire. Your dissatisfaction with your living situation might be distracting you from it, or maybe it is more a fear of declaring your intentions that is keeping this desire under wraps. Feelings of shame or unworthiness, or imposter syndrome can also go hand in hand with the Seven of Swords, so it may be that you feel like you have no right to realise this secret hope, and if you go public with it you'll be found out. Given that our first card is the Ace of Wands, I suspect that this burning, hidden desire is related to a creative project - is there some art that you are secretly desperate to make, an avenue of self expression you want but are afraid to explore? Maybe you're dreaming of starting your dream business, but it all seems too hard and scary? Whatever it is, I think now is the time to start drawing it to the surface. Bringing the Seven of Swords out into the light is going to be a great first step on the road of the Ace of Wands. If you do decide to stay put where you are and make the most of this situation, your hidden desires will have to be spoken aloud!
5. What approach, action, or mindset can you adopt in order to start feeding these needs and desires? Three of Pentacles
It's up to you to decide whether you stay or move on, but I think the bigger issues at play here will still need to be addressed, wherever you find yourself. The Three of Pentacles says that all of this inner turmoil, these unmet needs and secret desires, will be best explored by getting your hands dirty. This probably has something to do with that secret project that tied together the Ace of Wands and the Seven of Swords. This card suggests it's time to take up your tools, whatever they may be, and start putting them to use. Whether this means you apply for your dream job, start writing that poetry, set up your small business, apply for that course, go on some dates, join that life drawing class... Whatever form it takes, the Three of Pentacles says that small, tangible steps towards your goal are the key to overcoming your creative and emotional misery right now, Miserable!
If you're feeling a bit of that Seven of Swords fear or unworthiness, it's important to remember that this card is just the Three - you aren't expected to be an expert on your chosen path right now. You don't have to be an overnight success, or have a professional qualification in order to get started on this path. These are all mental obstacles and excuses we use to discourage ourselves from getting started, and that isn't helpful right now. If you have the willingness to begin, then you have everything you need to get moving, to start fanning that fiery Ace of Wands and shaping your life from miserable into fulfilling. You can deliberate on whether to move or not, but save some energy for addressing your emotional and creative needs, because chances are, you'll be able to find a way to meet them, no matter where you live. You can start where you are, but just make sure you start!
Miserable, I really hope this reading gives you some food for thought about your situation. I can't tell you whether to stay or go, but I hope I've at least been able to nudge you back in the direction of your own inner compass! May it steer you towards greater fulfilment and happiness!
The Agony Augury
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